Marriage and Couples Counselling Sydney - Conflict Resolution
All couples experience conflict and argue time to time. Conflict
should be a normal part of getting to know each other and evaluating
similarities and differences. However, conflict and arguments can become
serious problems that may undermine relationships. Identifying when
conflict is harmful to a relationship and learning skills to overcome
them are key skills that successful couples
share.
When does Conflict Become
Counterproductive?
Conflict will become a problem when it
is repetitive, irrational, instrumental or involves contempt. For
more information read below:
Conflict as a Repetitive
Pattern
Conflict can easily become a pattern of
communication or relating to each other. Repeated arguments over
trivial things are usually the first signs that conflict is becoming
a couple's regular behaviour pattern. Once established, the
cycle of conflict can be difficult to
break.
|
Irrational
Conflict
Major conflicts are usually associated with
finances, value differences or intimacy. Many
conflicts are, however, stem from mundane events and the
arguments become "arguments for the sake of
arguing". Irrational arguments are easy to recognise by
bringing up old issues and "running out of topics" to argue
about.
|
Instrumental use of
Conflict
Conflict can be used to maintain power in a
relationship. When conflict and arguments lead to a predicted
outcome, one may start an argument to achieve what he/she wants.
This is an "instrumental" use of arguing, or a "means to an end".
Usually the argument or conflict is only an "excuse" to achieve an
outcome.
|
Contempt in
Arguments
Contempt in an argument means that a
couple has "drifted away" from a topic and instead of working
out differences they send a message of dislike to each
other. Contempt has no place in a healthy argument. Put downs,
emotionally hurtful statements, swear words or threatening body
language are signs of serious relationship
difficulties.
|
Conflict Resolution - How
Can Counselling Help?
The first step in
reducing conflict is awareness. Conflict and arguments can be so enbedded
into a couple's relational style
that they
may fail to recognise its presence. Often the couple's
threshold for arguments and conflict becomes skewed,
resulting in tolerance of otherwise intolerable conflict
style.
Couples can learn to deal with differences and
they can learn ways to change harmful conflict patterns. At the beginning
stages couples might need to work on awareness
and time out strategies. In later stages couples should work on
changing communication style, shared activities,
emotional awareness, intimacy, listening skills and shared values. In
the
last phase of couples counselling, couples learn
to combine their skills and approch arguments and conflict in a new
way.
The couple's counsellor will ensure that this is
done in the most successful way
possible.
CALL TO DISCUSS YOUR CONCERN: (02) 8068 8661
Back to "Relationship
Counselling" page
An APS certified practice, call with
confidence.  | 
