Marriage and Couples Counselling Sydney - Emotional Dependency
Emotional closeness and even "enmeshment" are part of most
relationships. At the beginning of a new relationship we often feel that
our emotional well being depends on our partner's approval, love and
positive thoughts about us. This is a normal "honeymoon phase" that
usually don't last for more than a year.
Emotional
dependency forms when we continue to rely on our partner's approval and
seek out approval in order to maintain our self-esteem. This is
unhealthy and in a long run it can also undermine
relationships.
What is Emotional
Dependency?
Emotional dependency is a psychological state
when a person's overall self-worth depends upon external validation,
usually by a specific individual or people. Emotional dependency is
psychologically harmful and closely tied to "emotional
reasoning".
Without Him/Her I
am Worthless
This is an obvious sign of
emotional dependency. Thoughts and feelings of personal worth
closely tied to a partner's approval suggest that our existence
depends on our partner.
|
Fear of
Loneliness
Emotionally dependent individuals feel
terrified of being alone. Being alone could mean being "abandoned"
and "rejected". To safeguard against these difficult emotions,
people often contact their partners excessively and seek
reassurance.
|
Emotional
Reasoning
"If I feel insecure, it must mean that
he/she is making me feel that way". This type of thought
process use our emotional experiences to "reason" about what is
happening around us. Emotionally dependent individuals will often
blame their partners for negative feelings or attribute positive
feelings to their partners when in fact it is not
warranted.
|
Fear of Negative
Evaluation
Emotionally dependent individuals
specifically fear negative evaluation by their partners. Pleasing
the partner serves the purpose of avoiding possible
rejection, not necessarily to make the other feel good.
|
Signs of Emotional Dependency
 |
-
Not being able to make decisions
without your partner's approval.
-
Constantly thinking about what your partner
may think of your actions.
-
Constantly trying to place yourself
into your partner's mindset. What would he/she
do?
-
Intense jealousy and distrust.
-
Fear of abandonment and fear of being
alone.
-
Constantly thinking about or checking what your
partner is up to (checking emails, mobile phone...
etc).
-
Constantly putting your partner's interest before
you. |
Dealing with Emotional
Dependency
Emotional independence or
emotional freedom is relatively easily achieved. The goal of counselling
is usually to highlight
the level of dependency and
to move towards a more independent existence. Supportive partners can
significantly speed
up this process.
While working on dependency issues is best with the support of a partner,
it is essential that people learn various skills,
such as
"distress tolerance" on their own. Therefore, in the early stages of
treatment we might ask partners to
attend, but as the
therapy progresses we will place more importance on individual
sessions.
CALL TO DISCUSS YOUR CONCERN: (02) 8068 8661
Back to "Relationship
Counselling" page
An APS certified practice, call with
confidence.  | 
