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Marriage and Couples Counselling Sydney - Relationship Breakdown

Relationship breakdown does not have to end in separation or divorce. Breakdown often only means that a couple has reached a point where they see no way forward. However, in most cases where the couple is still committed to stay together (just don't know how to do it), the relationship can be saved. 


What Can be Done About Relationship Breakdown?

First, the couple must realise that they enetered a crisis situation that CAN be changed. It is NOT the end of the relationship, it is a difficulty recognising what needs to be done to "get out of the rut".

There are several ways to re-ignite relationships. However, the success of re-establishing a good relationship depends on several actors, such as level of motivation/committment, early experiences in the relationship and willingness to try new ways of re-connecting. For more information on some of the strategies that worked for couples on the brink of separation, please read below:

"Fall Back" on the Past After spending years together, couples can forget (or ignore) why they fell in love with each other. The beginning of a new relationship is usually (but unfortunately noy always) exciting and uplifting. Couples can feel better about their relationship (and each other), when they remember and RE-LIVE their early, happy experiences. Of course, circumstances and people change, but remembering, and to some extent, re-experiencing the times you enjoyed together CAN change the present. This could include small things, such as sending positive (even cheeky) texts to each other for no particular reason, doing things you used to do for your partner or simply remember how you felt in the past.

 

Change (Just Abut) Everything Sometimes radical change is needed to save relationships. If changing small aspects of the relationship works, than there is no need to go further, but when the small changes make no difference, you might need to think about major aspects of your life together. Major change could include weekday and weekend patterns/habits, reducing or increasing activities, new activities together, discussion topics and so on. You, as individuals, will remain the same, but approching each other differently can lead to a better relationship.

 

Does it Work? Do More of It! Think about what works in the relationship. It is very rare that couples have close to nothing in common and/or nothing seems to be working between them.  A quick exercise is to sit down separately and privately write down 10 things that you think works in your relationship. Later share the list with your partner and see if there is any overlap. Chances are, you will find a few things that you both believe works in your relationship. Than DO MORE OF IT!

 

Trial Separation Sometimes relationships become suffocating and what is needed is a "breath of fresh air". If this is the case, trial separation might work. In brief, trial separation is what the name suggests, a trial. It is and it isn't a separation. Physically, the couple often separates, but with certain rules (e.g., no infidelity, maintaining infrequent contact, such as weekly phone calls, time limited, such as 3 months maximum, and individually working through issues that might have been blocking a successful relationship, such as drug and alcohol use). Trial separation is a step away from a final separation and serves the purpose of experiencing life without a partner. It may become final, but it can also bring people back together.