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Marriage and Couples Counselling Sydney - Sexual Dysfunction
There is a saying "if sex isn't satisfying in a relationship it amounts to about 90% of the overall problems, yet if sex is good in a relationship it only matters about 10%". In other words, sex is simultaneously the most and least important part of a relationship. In our practice, we find that there is some truth to this and dissatisfaction with sex often plays a key role in couple's distress.
What is sexual dysfunction?
Common sexual dysfunctions include Sexual Desire Disorders, Sexual Arousal Disorders, Orgasmic Disorders and Sexual Pain Disorders. The way we will explain these difficulties is what it means to couples and individuals and how it might impact on relationships:
Sexual Desire Disorders
Generally, these disorders refer to low sex drive or libido. The reasons why people differ in their sex drives can vary significantly. Some people put little importance on sex, have limited sexual fantasies, limited desires or even feel aversive and avoidant towards sex. When individuals are matched on their sex drives, low sex drive (or even the absence of sex) is not an issue.
Problems usually arise when couples have sex drives that are out of sync. Even if the differing sex drives do not lead to arguments, it could esily lead to frustration, guilt and resentment.
Sex drive, however, does change during long term relationships. Familiarity, lack of passion, children, long working hours, stress, anxiety, substance use or lack of sleep can negatively influence sex drive. Often, once passionate couples find themselves in situations where one party still wants to have sex every day, whereas the other is happy with once a week, or even less.
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Orgasmic Disorders
Generally, orgasmic disorders refer to delayed or absent orgasm following a normal sexual excitement phase. This is not related to motivation, sex drive or passion, rather an inability to reach orgasm during sex. Whilst in our experience, this is a less frequent complaint between couples, it can lead to frustration and a belief that one "isn't doing enough" or simple "not good enough" for the partner.
It is a misconception that it is predominantly women who suffer from orgasmic disorder. Males equally likley report delayed or inhibited orgasm, often leading to anxiety and further difficulties.
Understanding and loving couples can work through orgasmic difficulties with relative ease. There are techniques that help couples bringing their sex life back to sync.
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Sexual Pain Disorders
Generally, these disorders are associated with experiencing genetal pain during sexual activities. The extent of pain can vary between individuals and from time to time, but often make sex impossible or extremely difficult.
Medical check ups are necessary to determine whether causes are organic and treatable. However, psychological factors can often lead to pain associated with sex. If this is the case, couples counselling (and often individual counselling) can help.
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When to Seek Help for Sexual Difficulties?
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When it leads to frustration.
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When it leads to arguments and fighting.
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When you feel that you are unable to talk to your partner about it.
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When you feel judged by your partner.
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When you feel guilty.
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When you start to feel anxious about sex.
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When you think too much about problems surrounding sex.
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How can Counselling Help?
Seeking professional help for sexual difficulties is an important step for many couples. Expectations and goals can vary
between partners and it is important to remain on realistic grounds. Counselling can help re-phrasing what the
problems are and help establishing realistic goals. Often it is difficult to see the situation from the partner's perspective,
and this could lead to further problems.
Couples often find it difficult to talk about sexual problems openly and in a detached manner. Sex is, after all, an
expression of emotions towards each other, and problems with our sex life can be misinterpreted as problems with
our emotional closeness. Therefore, talking about sexual difficulties can lead to heated emotional discussions.
As much as possible, counselling will explore sexual difficulties in a rational style. It helps couples see each other in a
slightly different light, and the involvement of a third party will often bring up topics that couples failed to discuss,
avoided or believed that was not related to their sex life.
Our psychologists are experienced working with sexual difficulties and have a proven "track records" of improving
couples' sex lives, whether they have been together for 5 years or 25 years.
CALL TO DISCUSS YOUR CONCERN: (02) 8068 8661
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